I wrote a diary over two weeks and it said nothing about me. It was basically a list of chores I do every day in my role as a mother. This gave me the idea to base my self portrait on a subject I’ve been battling for years and that is, ‘loosing my identity’. Making the transition from having a great career into becoming a full time wife and mother has been an eye opening experience. I used to be the face of an entire team of professionals but now I feel completely faceless.
Over time I have become unrecognisable. Power dressing has been replaced with bleach ridden jeans and sweaters. Nights out are too exhausting to organise. Adult conversations have become few and far between. I talk to the dog so much he always knows my next move. Passion for music has diminished with the desire for peace and quiet. Slowly but surely my identity as I knew it has slipped away and been replaced with fatigued robot. My identity that had naturally evolved with me is becoming a distant memory, even my name has changed!
People see who I am now and not what I used to be. I struggle with this because I’m an evolution, I’ve been educated, I’ve travelled, I’ve achieved, all these things make up who I am.
A close friend told me they were jealous that I got to ‘potter’ around the house all day as a housewife. In reality I run the house, look after the children, look after my husbands business finances, run a photography studio, make handmade jewellery and study Photography. However, I’m seen as pottering.
The faceless feeling is carried throughout my journal entitled ‘A change of scenery’.
I wrote this journal whilst on a family holiday as I wanted to show that it’s not just a normal day to day issue, it follows me around. A holiday to me is no longer a holiday, full of relaxation, fun and frolics. It’s just a change of scenery, hence the title.
The journal is made up of a written diary with accompanying photographs. The photographs are either auto biographical or self absent but never with my face on display. Omitting my face is my way of getting across the feeling of being faceless. The individual photographs themselves are a reaction to a feelings I’m having relating to identity loss. Each photograph is captioned to give a hint to the feeling that spurred its being. Whilst doing this I’m giving clues to my true identity, the personality that resides inside.
‘A Change of Scenery’